BLACK&WHITE(:

20070928

lalala. Studying outside is quite fooney actually. Haha. You get to see strange people around. Sometimes people-watching can be so fun yet depressing.

At cafe Galilee, there was this smelly weird aunty laughing aloud to herself, sitting beside me. Finally, the staff came over to ask her if she wanted to order anything and so she took out her 10 dollar note, gave the staff and ordered her food without going to the counter. That was a weird lady.

2nd episode also at bedok library. This couple, one fat and ugly girl with a hot bf i think, wanted to find a table to study. They left a while and when they came back, the tables were all occupied. Then they saw their friend using the public comp. Off they went to sit beside him, occupying the 2-comp space. friend was using the comp. bf took a normal chair from study table and sat there with his labbie. Gf happily took the rolley office chair from the 2nd comp and sat beside the 2nd comp, using her labbie. Then here comes a fat lower sec boy wanting to use the comp. Bitchy gf didnt even give a damn abt him, continued using the chair meant for the user of the 2nd comp. Poor boy had to stand and use the comp for a long time.
I dont understand how she wont feel bad for making ppl stand. So selfish. Next, a pri 4 malay girl wanted to use the comp. Calmly and maturely talk to the bitchy adult gf, whether she can have the chair since she wasnt using the 2nd comp. Bitchy gf was bitchy ttm, just gave a straight NO and ignored her. They continued 'discussing' about the 2nd comp issue for some time. Then finally the little girl said 'in that case, i'll tell the librarian!'

Bitch started to panic and became EXTEMELY childish. I couldnt believe my eyes. She close her labbie and pretended to use the 2nd comp for show only, wanting to let the librarians see. how childish and bitchy can she get. and the 2 guy friends were not even doing anything. STUPID. That little girl was so brave and calm, I really admire her. So after 2 librarians came and talk to them, they finally left. HA!

on the same day, I did the most embarrassing thing! OHMY. I was too deep into thoughts that I stepped into a male toilet filled with 6 men and 1 boy! I actually had time to estimate. Hahaha. Damn paiseh. I only found out when I took the first step and this boy was giving me a shock and weird look. Only then did I realise my mistake. I calmly turned and walked a few steps before running away. HAHAH. Hopefully they wont notice me but obviously I failed. Reason? The 1st floor's female toilet was on the right but the 2nd floor was the opp. When I saw the left toilet being washed by 1 uncle, I assumed it was the male toilet like the 1st floor so I stepped into the right one without thinking. Uptil now, I still have some fears going to unfamiliar toilets. I'll make sure I check the sign first.

IKEA post tmr! (:

black&white ; 9/28/2007 12:56:00 AM

PROMOS is somewhat OVER!!!!
Am I suppose to be feeling happy? I think before the Maths paper, I kind of resigned to fate that I'm going to retain. Seriously, its not that I dont want to study, in fact, I think I studied harder for promos than for O's. Its like the materials you're studying is too difficult. Its greek la.

I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. The reason why I seem perfectly normal is that I've accepted the fact that im retaining and hence I see no point crying over spilled milk. Sometimes you are so sad that you just laugh it off. Maybe its just a facade, maybe Im just living in denial. Maybe this is not reality, maybe maybe..

Let's see, for GP, all I can say its that I've tried my best. If I fail I also got nothing to say because I didnt let myself down, I really did what I could do. I wrote 3 pgs for AQ, is that too much?

I was rather disappointed for econs though. Its the only subject that I've completed studying, meaning reading through papers and stuff. Sigh, I dont even have confidence of passing. What Gini Coeffient? As usual, I spotted the qns correctly again, wages did come out. Luck luck luck, I need you.

Maths: Aiya, it was worse than midyears. qns were weird, I was quite bored cos I didnt know how to do. I feel quite bad bcos i'll be letting Mr D ang and shaun down. As usual, I still couldn't do the number patterns shit. PRACTISE LA!

Geog: Before the paper, I gave up for urban. I just cant seem to get this topic. But I was quite confident about hydro. I know I wont get U if my urban is okay. Kuanren said geog, you'll need to crap if you dont know what to write. yeah, I did, I used econs! HAHA.

Chem: Fuck chem la. I was totally unprepared. MCQ was basically a guessing game. Paper 2 was crap and come up with your own theories. Essay qns were like blanks, blanks and still blanks. Assured U. 20 marks dont even know whether can get anot. Its okay, I found my fellow retainees in the H1 chem ppl. Yay. You're not alone.

So Im left with chinese on mon. I'll be quite angry if I do worse than B. Nvm, Im going to be good and study it. (: CHUAH said you can apply the Law of Diminishing Marginal Returns in studying. the more you study, the lesser it gets into your head. Sorry ah, I havent reached that point for most subjects. It didnt set in.

So many things came to my mind for the past few weeks. I can almost say I screwed up my first year in JC. What if I end up like wrb? FUCK. My ex classmates are like top 50 in level, they were once the last few in cedar. What about me? I went into a top college and fucking screwed up my studies AND table tennis. I think I really become ''stupider''.

I need to find the book that says ''survival guide for JC life''.

black&white ; 9/28/2007 12:33:00 AM

20070919

LIFE IS VULNERABLE.
Have you ever questioned yourself whether you have lived life to the fullest everyday? Some people leave this world all of a sudden, wanting to live. Yet there are those who wish to seek death. My point is, life is so unpredictable, one moment you're alive and kicking, the next, who knows? I came to the conclusion today that I should treasure everyone and everything around me. Never take things for granted, you never know when you'll lose it.

memories of her flashes past my mind
sense of guilt and grief fills my heart
in loving memory, take care.(:

black&white ; 9/19/2007 07:44:00 PM

20070918

Okay I need to update. PROMOS is in 3 DAYS TIME! Can it please get into your head. Stop living in denial and face reality man! RETAIN, you know STAY BACK? yeah, it WILL really happen if you continue studying so slowly and stoning and people watching and talking to people. GRAH.

Repeat this, I AM SMART, I AM SMART, I WILL PROMOTE, I WILL PROMOTE, I LOVE CHEM, I LOVE CHEM, I WILL DO WELL, I WILL DO WELL, I CAN MAKE IT. (:

Shit, did I just fall into a trap I knew was there all along? Stupid girl, you're only making yourself suffer. Forget everything and get a life!

To make myself feel less guilty, I shall type what I can remember from Induction.

Let Pn be the proposition blah blah = blah.
LHS of P1 = blahblah=a
RHS of P1= blah=a
therefore LHS = RHS, P1 is true.

Assume Pk is true for some k >/1, sigma stuff sub k into n.
RHS of Pk+1 = abc
LHS of Pk+1= sigma stuff sub k into n + - =abc=RHS of Pk+1
Hence Pk+1 is true.
P1 is true, Pk is true=> Pk+1 is true
therefore Pn is true for all positive integers of n.

Please let me remb all the stupid maths topics during exams. To compensate the studying time I've lost talking to both my sis on sun,mon and just now, Im gonna stay up late tonight.[not 3am that kind.] tmr I will go down to the library and read up so I can create miracles and pass GP for the first time. (:

Should I read the urban geog reader now or try those maths qns I didnt fin the other time? right, im talking to myself again....

black&white ; 9/18/2007 10:04:00 PM

20070913

Boohoo.
School sucks these days.
I am immensely demoralised.
Didnt get in for OCIP, :((( , my EOM draft 3 got rejected AGAIN. I cant believe I spent one whole sunday doing it, sacrificing my study time, lagging behind my table for 4 days alr. When I got back the EOM, my heart sank. I was really holding back my tears. Not being selected for OCIP started it. Sigh sigh sigh. Life is unfair. I dont have a niche area. I suck at studies, I dont even have outstanding skills and I just cant contribute to anything needed for OCIP. All I have is a heart that desires to help the unfortunate. I just cant help laughing at myself. Its a cycle. That stupid cycle. Please let time fly faster.

The idea of 08S61 keeps flashing in my mind, its a red alert! I have officially said goodbye to SPA after 9 months of struggle. I gave my friends a last chance to laugh at my SPA and chem lecture test. I had the most unique comment to myself for Skill B, 'slow and dripping!'. I forgot to bring my calculator for skill b. I left 3/4 blank for skill a and scored 6/8 and 1/8 respectively. I got 5/35 for lecture test, record low. After all these struggles, I gave up trying to study H2 and officially dropped to H1 2 days ago.

Shaun, I doubt you'll see this but really THANKYOU THANKYOU SO MUCH for helping me with my EOM and Maths and Chem and other stuff! Thankyou! Your kindness and help will be remembered by me forever. Thank you thank you! (:

I am so touched I dont know what to say. Helping your friend edit a cmi EOM till late at night, staying back to teach her Maths, forever lending her chem spa to copy. All these and asking nothing in return. Where can you find such a nice friend! D ang is right. I should treat SHaun if I score a C for Maths. Hahah. I dont even think C, just E I will treat him alr! Lol.

I see hope in Econs, Maths and hydro, what about chem? -shakeshead-

Thou shall not be seen. Somebody, save me! I dont want to see you! Why did you appear? =(

black&white ; 9/13/2007 07:45:00 PM