20080108
First post for the year. I never have the habit of coming up with new year resolutions so I'll just skip that. Its the last thing on my mind. R papers: Maths was okay. I could do some and I think I can pass since its so similar to promos. Big thankyou to kuanren, yuqin and the twins for helping me in maths! Really very sorry for all the time you all have wasted.Chem was B-A-D, bad! I felt really miserable during and after the paper. Deep down I know how much effort I've put in and Im quite sure the results wont do justice to all my hardwork for the past 2 months. Cant believe I used up 1/2 my holidays and realise I cant pass a bloody H1 chem. I feel like tearing my heart up. I feel so horrible I just want to rip my heart apart so that I dont have to feel the pain. I feel bad because Mrs Mah really helped alot. The many mornings she spent with me teaching me chem till she puked blood and the many other stuff we talked about. We're almost like friends alr. I feel guilty for not able to do well. Such guilt was felt towards Mr Ang for my maths promos too. When will I perform and make my teachers proud? When will I ever be up to the standard? Econs was after CCA walk-about. After chem, really felt damn shitty. I think I almost cried while revising with Ms Lee. It was like stress alert! I didn't study for econs. So if I passed, it must be luck. Thank you to Ms Lee for going through CS during the holidays. Im such a troublesome student. Econs paper was done in a I-feel-like-fainting-and-sleeping state. Im angered by people who dont treat R papers seriously.. ARGH-2nd day of R papers totally drained me out. I was really tired. Its not like the tiredness after training but really tired from deep within. Just feel like shutting down and hide in my cancer shell. I cried my night away that night. Having my period didnt help at all. You cry because you know you won't do well. You cry because you're guilty for not studying well. You cry because you're stressed up. You cry because you feel lonely. You cry because you feel helpless. You cry because you wish to end your life.
I felt really sick and tired cos my body clock was screwed up and I had a serious lack of sleep. I was feeling down and having such a bad time I just told my dad im not going school the next day eventhough I've been looking forward to JMS since Nov. He didnt ask why and just offered to fetch me to school eventhough it was during lunch time at 1pm. Im such a pampered kid.
I was having such a bad day, I didnt have the energy to entertain people, I just want to sleep my life away. So I woke up for my Geog paper and felt damn weird in school.
Geog was strange as well. Im pissed with myself for not studying rocks properly. That piece of foolscap I purposelt leave out till the end but forgot to read was tested. I feel like strangling myself. I flipped the qn paper, saw the diagram and I was like 'Fuck!', mass movement came out again. Whatever I didnt study came out. Well done, LL! Essays were like ??? I think my part b answers were shorter than part a and why do all the answers sound the same?!
Voila! That marks the end of my R papers. After geog was immediately go parkway to settle presents. Spending all my pocket money make me feel SLIGHTLY better. Papers were done in pain-gastric. I screwed up my eating system and got myself gastric plus poor appetite. Cramps+urgent+hungry= BAD RESULTS.
I conclude that R papers are the most tiring thing on earth. It sucks my life and energy away. Its back to the flipping thing. After attending all the r papers, I know who are the usual people. lawl.
Goodbye my tears, could you dissappear and not appear everyday?
black&white ; 1/08/2008 05:53:00 PM
